Guilt and shame are the common negative emotions felt by children who have been abused (especially when they have been sexually abused) that often continue or emerge in adults who were abused as children. Feelings of guilt and shame are the reason why many children fail to report their victimization to others, such as their parents, teachers or law enforcement authorities.

Guilt is a feeling of self-reproach in which an individual takes at least partial responsibility for involvement in (or observation of) an activity that he or she knows or senses was wrong, whether the abuse was sexual or physical.

Shame is a negative emotional response that is directly linked to guilt. That is, the person feels guilt (responsibility) and then shame (sadness and distress stemming from guilt). Shame is often linked to a fear that others will discover what one has done, and that they will be angry or condemning. Thus guilt is more of an internal blaming process, while shame is more often tied to what others will think about one's behavior. Sometimes the words guilt and shame are used interchangeably.

Both guilt and shame can play a positive role in some cases, because they may prevent people from committing harmful acts that they contemplate, or, if such acts are committed, they may prevent any recurrences of such behavior. However, when it is an abused child who feels guilt and shame, usually out of proportion to the circumstances, then such emotions can cause serious problems.

In some cases, media exposure provides a great deal of information about the victim to the public. For example, some newspapers have a policy to specifically name crime victims of any age. In addition, if the child's name has already appeared in the media, if and when a similar crime is committed, such as a newly missing child, then the previously victimized child's name may also be mentioned, even though that child had no connection with the new crime. Surprisingly, some newspapers may not name victims, but instead they may name close family members and even include the address of the child in a story or release other information that would make it easy to identify the child.

Most people who abuse children or adolescents are very aware of feelings of guilt and shame, and they readily manipulate these emotions. For example, the abuser often tells the abused child or adolescent that the abuse was his or her fault and that no one will believe otherwise. In the case of physical abuse, the child may be told that he or she "deserved it," or even that the child is a bad person and must have the badness beaten out of him or her.

If the abuse was sexual, it may be described by the abuser as normal, or the abuser may tell the child that it was the child's own fault and that he or she was a willing participant. If the child was a willing participant, it is usually from fear or the feeling that he or she must comply with the demands of the abuser. After several incidents of abuse, a pattern has been established that can be very difficult for the child to break.

The abuser will not tell the child that the behavior is, in fact, abnormal and that, even if it were consensual, children do not have the legal right to consent to sex with anyone, including relatives.

If the abuse does come to the attention of others, the abuser will often actively deny it, stating that the child is lying, imagining the abuse or seeking to punish the parent because of normal parental limits, such as setting a curfew, refusing to buy the child an extravagant item and so forth. It is true that children occasionally do lie about abuse, often because of the manipulation by others. In the past, overly zealous therapists found abuse where it did not exist. However, any allegation should be investigated.

Other types of emotional manipulation often occur in addition to the purposeful use of guilt and shame in the course of abuse, such as the use of fear. The abuser may tell the child that if he or she refuses to participate in an act that the child does not wish to perform (often a sexual act), then the abuser will kill or harm the child or will kill or harm people close to the child, such as parents. He may also manipulate the child's shame subsequent to the abuse and tell the child that parents and others will be disgusted by the child's behavior and will not want him or her anymore because they will feel shame and disgust about the child's actions and will blame the child. This approach is often used effectively with runaway adolescents.

Because of their guilt and shame, children may accept such irrational statements, and the cycle of abuse will likely continue until the child shares the information with someone. However, often the abuser tells the child not to tell anyone, or the abuser will know that the secret has been revealed. Since children and sometimes adolescents as well are prone to magical thinking, the child may attribute special powers to the abuser, and the abuse will therefore continue.

It is important for parents, teachers and others to tell children and adolescents that if anyone insists upon touching them in a private place (using language geared to the child's age), this is a form of emotional manipulation. It is wrong and the adult's fault, and the abuse should be reported to a trusted person who is an adult. In addition, children should be forewarned that although parents and others will be very upset to learn of the abuse that has occurred (or has been threatened), they will not be angry with the child but will instead wish to help the child.

The problem is further complicated, however, because often the abuser is the parent, trusted relative, neighbor or friend, and it is very hard for children to report to others about their own parents' abusive behavior as well as trusted others. In addition, children may not realize that the abuse is abnormal, since it has occurred for so long. Thus it is helpful if teachers, doctors and other professionals who suspect abuse has occurred or is occurring tell children that it is wrong and illegal for children to have sex with their parents or other relatives, and it is not the child's fault if sexual abuse occurs. Teachers may wish to discuss child abuse in the classroom and explain the tactics that abusers use to keep children silent about the abuse.

In most cases, doctors, teachers and other professionals are mandated reporters of child abuse, and thus they are compelled by law to report suspected child abuse. However, sometimes they fear reporting the abuse because they are not sure if their suspicions are accurate.

Sometimes abusers shame or manipulate the abused child by threatening to post pornographic pictures of the child on the Internet. Children and adolescents may experience extreme dread that their family, neighbors and peers will see the photographs on the Internet and then shun or mock them. In some cases, children's photographs have been posted on a pornographic Web site, which can be mortifying to the child upon discovery.

Abusers also use the Internet to attempt to convince children that adult-child sex is normal, often by showing the child photographs of adults and children engaging in sexual acts on the Internet.

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