The proportion of married people in the medieval population was undoubtedly lower than it is today, but most people eventually married. In the peasant societies of northern Europe, this normally happened in the early or mid-twenties for both men and women, a pattern now regarded as the Western norm. In southern Europe and among the upper classes, the custom was different. In Italy, husbands were on average seven to ten years older than their wives, and women were often married in their teens to men already in their thirties or older. The most extreme disparities were found in royal and princely families where marriages were used to cement political alliances and might be arranged when the bride was a mere child. Thankfully, such unions were not immediately consummated.

Freedom to choose one's mate was greatest at the lower end of the social scale. Arranged marriages were almost unknown among the landless poor, slightly more common among established peasants, and virtually obligatory among the rich. However, the wishes of the couple were not invariably ignored and even peasants did not marry as a general rule without seeking their parents' blessing. Like almost everything else connected with the institution of marriage, a wedding was usually the product of delicate and informal negotiations involving the couple, both families, and the village opinion makers. The degree to which the couple controlled the process was determined by local custom and family attitudes and varied enormously within the same village or social class.

When a couple publicly announced their intention to marry, village opinion generally permitted them to begin living together immediately. This practice was officially confirmed by the church at the beginning of the thirteenth century. In villages without a resident priest, or when the costs of a wedding could not immediately be met, this was often essential. If a child was born before the sacrament of marriage could be officially celebrated, that child was legitimate. The assumption was that the couple would marry as soon as the opportunity arose. Townspeople, wealthy peasants, and the aristocracy could afford to be less relaxed about such matters and tended to celebrate their family weddings with as much ostentation as possible. Wedding feasts were as central to medieval social life and folklore as they are today.

When a medieval woman married, she was expected to present her husband with a dowry. The early medieval custom of giving the bride a husband's gift had largely disappeared by the end of the twelfth century. The dowry was normally returnable if the husband died first. While he lived, he controlled it and all of the other resources owned by the couple. In some regions, the return of the dowry was all that a widow could legally expect from her husband's estate. In others, she was entitled to at least a portion of his property. As in all other aspects of inheritance law, many husbands found ways to subvert the system and provide other legacies for her support. . .

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